When Life Creates the Context for Letting Go
How often do you find yourself stuck in worry, tension, and the need to be in control of … well, everything? You’re not alone: many people come in to see me with these specific themes. But today I want to share a story from my own life—one when I practiced an effective wisdom teaching that led to a significant life change and is a tool I still use today.
Years ago, I took an overseas counseling and consulting job that would end up placing me all over the world for several months at a time, but this story begins when I was gifted with a location in Micronesia. I was never particularly drawn to learning how to scuba dive, but I was in one of the best diving locations in the world. So, it seemed only natural to sign up for diving lessons and enjoy some of the clearest waters that’re home to the most colorful tropical fish the oceans have to offer. I wish I could say that I took to diving as easily as I made my decision to try scuba diving, but I didn’t. I specifically struggled with mastering the Valsalva maneuver, used for ear clearing, which led to pain, discomfort, and worry—lots of worry. The fear about being deep underwater, breathing through tubes while learning about the valves and gages that would help keep me alive while diving, surrounded me. I was tense, uncomfortable, and just not enjoying my dives. At all.
But in many ways, this situation was not an unfamiliar one. Throughout my entire life, it seemed like I had transformed learning something new into a majorly stressful job. Instead of being something to get curious about and enjoy, it was something to conquer, to struggle with, and to battle or overcome. This pattern stretches back as far as I can remember and infiltrated so many aspects of my life. The worry, tightness, and struggle of learning new situations have ultimately been a burden that’s felt exhausting, consuming, and, at times, insurmountable.
But one dive shifted things for me in a big way. It gave me an entirely new reference point. What I learned next about my tendency to need to feel in control of new situations changed in an instant.
I’d dropped down into a new, beautiful diving location off the coast of Palau. As I faced the reef, I went through my regular list of discomforts, struggles, and mental worries that always popped up while thirty-feet underwater. Things like, “What if my air stops working? What if I can’t clear my mask and I’m unable to see? What if I get caught in a current and swept away from the group?” (Keep in mind that these didn’t even begin to cover the shark worries, which were real and bountiful!) As I was going through my endless cycle of panicky thoughts, something snapped inside my mind. Suddenly, instead of fighting my lack of control and all of my many worries, I sunk into the reality of my situation and what I was feeling. I dove in fully and surrendered. There I was, thirty-feet underwater, relying on and trusting in gear, training, and others for my life and safety. So much could happen, and there was no way to control it all. I thought to myself, “I may as well give this over to what’s greater than me and let life support me.” In that moment, I experienced an expansion—an expansion where worry and tension melted away. I let go and felt my body completely relax. I felt entirely cared for and safe. Colors became brighter; details of the fish and corals popped. I became deeply connected to the present moment as I experienced beauty and an interconnectivity with the underwater world in a brand-new way. Joy and ease were abundant.
After that one moment, I couldn’t stop diving! I was hooked. My confidence grew, and I took my advanced open-water training and went on to learn rescue diving. Now, whenever I hit a life-block, I try to remember this reference point to assist me in moving on through. In doing so, I stop and look at what I’m actually in control of (which usually isn’t a lot); take a breath; tune in to all that’s greater than me; surrender to the natural, ever-present support of life; and relax more deeply into the moment.
As you reflect on how the need to feel in control shows up in your life, what comes up for you? What opportunities exist so that you can fully embrace and sink into those moments rather than fight back and contract? What are you ready to let go of so that you can move into a new and more expansive experience? My hope is that perhaps a new idea or curiosity is stirred within you and that you may be able to add a new approach during those moments when you could use a little extra support.
Sending you all my Very Best,
Marika